Now it’s time for so long…

saaaad little D.A.!

Okay, so, this is hard, but it’s necessary.  It’s time to start over, and there’s been too many changes since I started this blog.  This is part of my massive overhaul.  I’m not the same woman I was, and I don’t want to go through and edit or throw things away either.  the past few years of my life while I was writing this blog have been exceedingly hard.  Time for fresh starts, fresh breaths, and turning over fresh leaves.  I am, and will always remain, a domestic anarchist, but the title relates for me to a different time.  A time of love and loss.  A time that knocked me off my feet, and knocked the wind out of me.  A time that forced me to grow in ways I didn’t know I could.

And now it is time to end.  But every ending is also a beginning, and everything must first be broken down in order to be rebuilt.  so, thanks to my few friends that followed me, and also the few followers that I picked up in my short years of sporadic blogging.  It won’t be long till I form a new blog, I’m sure, and I shall be sure to post a link, so that you can all come see it.

Farewell,

The Domestic Anarchist

Personal Autonomy or “For Love of my Brewpub”

 

Okay, I am aware that at first glance “personal autonomy” looks to be a redundant statement.  However, it’s just the comment that this particular post is not necessarily a commentary on the autonomous collective of family, but my own personal autonomy and balancing my personal choices and rules with the rules that surround me as a member of society and the groups and collectives that I live inside of.

So, the primary collectives I’m part of are of course, first and foremost, my family, and then secondly, The Grove Street Brewhouse, which is my place of employment, and my home away from home (I’m writing this blog update here, and I’m here on a daily basis), it is the place I come for downtime, when I need to be able to flex my brainspace without the screaming of toddlers or ranting of video-gaming 8 year olds.  Let’s face it, no matter how much any parent loves their children, without the option of being ourselves OUTSIDE of our role of parenthood, we quickly disintegrate as individuals.

However, even here at The Grove, I’m not merely an individual.  I am a member of a team, personally doing my best to contribute to a business that I love and believe in.  My own autonomous rules that tell me how to function, do not necessarily tell me how to best function as a member of this said team.  We have to have our own rules that are also flexible to fit into the the structures around us.  This does not result in being mindless cogs, this results in the improvement and fluidity of our own lives.  To be independent and yet be able to function with a group is one of the most important skills we can learn.  For those as fiercely independent and anti-authoritarian as myself, it can also be one of the hardest skills to learn.

Obviously, this isn’t the first time I’ve been part of a “team” of employees.  However, I have little problem saying that this is the first business I’ve worked for that I cared about separately from the concept of “not shitting where I eat”.  Obviously, the more successful any business I work for is, the more successful I will be.  However, this place has acquired such value in my life, that I have to learn how to think of it during the moments where I’m not realizing that that I still reflect back on this business.  For the first time I find myself not struggling daily to assert my individuality despite all odds, but actually figuring out how to function more thoroughly as part of a collective that matters to me on more than just a personal level.  Which provides me with somewhat of an interesting quandary.

The balance, again, of finding the self-control to set aside my personal battle against authority and allow the love I have for an establishment to reflect in my behavior.  Reminding me, perhaps, that my personal arguments shouldn’t be brought up aggressively against people who help the fluidity of this business, and that, regardless of how much I love the beer here, tossing back 8 pints after I get off work might end up causing problems or embarrassment for this place I hold such high regard for, and want so desperately to succeed.

After all, though I am an atheist, beer is definitely the closest thing I have to a god, and in this small, sad, economically struggling little pacific town, the fact that we have a brewery at all is one of the few redeeming qualities.  But more importantly the people I’ve met through this place include many of the best people I’ve ever known.  From employees to Mug Club members, they’ve become people I consider family, filling out my fluid Ohana.  Being myself, this isn’t something I speak of real frequently (except in those embarrassing occasions where I’ve opted to toss back a few too many pints after work), but my soul feels enmeshed in this place, after only about 6 months.

I do hope to run my own sustainable brewhouse one day, and while I don’t really plan to run it in the same way as The Grove, I’ve realized that each place kind of has it’s own personality.  And the personality here just somehow feels like home.

This is the difference between working here, at a small, locally owned business, or at a large corporation, in my mind.  Large corporations function as machines, mindless, lacking in personality, and using people as cogs, small parts working synonymously to keep the overall machine plowing forward, with little thought or energy.  Small businesses, oftentimes, are more of organisms.  Employees are the microorganisms that live and stretch and flex within it, impacting and furthering the evolution of the organism, each part autonomous and individual, but reflecting the whole macrocosm.  This is the importance of craft beer, and brewpubs.  Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors are machines, not organisms, and the flavor and spirit of their drinks reflect that.  Let’s support organisms, not machines.

When I first started this entry, I didn’t mean for it to just be a reflection on The Grove and my place within it, and my personal responsibility to protect and honor it, but that has become very much what it is.  Thank you to Tessie and Jeff, and everyone else here for letting me find my place within the organism which is the soul of The Grove, I hope to be a part of it for a long time to come.

So now, I’ll raise a pint of Big Tiny, smell the hoppiness, the rye-malt back, and drink a toast to everyone who’s found themselves with the opportunity to be an autonomous microcosm within the macrocosm of a brewpub, from Busser to Brewmaster; and also, to my own.  Grovestreet, long may your kegs be full, and your taps flowing.

 

-Domestic Anarchist

The Relation Between Marriage and Anarchy… OR puttin’ the FUN in Dysfunctional

The Husband and I met in July of 2006.  We married in December of 2008.  A few months back we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.  so, it’s getting close to 6 years now we’ve known each other.  Earlier today we were talking about the hardships in life, and the value of experience and self-examination, being able to think freely about things without having mother culture dictate how we experience the events in our lives.  The experiences we go through can either strengthen or weaken us depending on our reactions and outlooks.  It was actually watching The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo {Extended Swedish Version} that inspired this conversation, but then I realized how this doesn’t just apply to a single person.

It also applies to relationships.  The trials and experiences the husband and I have gone through together make us stronger as a couple.  Sometimes we haven’t necessarily realized it at the time (as demonstrated by the numerous times we broke up before we got married, and then the almost year we spent separated after), but now we’re so very aware of how much we can survive.  From homelessness, custody battles, unemployment, madness, breakdowns, and deaths, not to mention all the horrible misadventures during our separation, and then a million little (and not so little) fights and arguments, there’s a multitude of things we’ve been through, and never fallen out of love.  The most important thing is probably that whether or not we get mad at each other, our personal anarchist principles mean that we allow each other the mistakes we make and the experiences we need. How do we support a marriage with anarchistic ideals?  How do we support our partners in the life experiences they’re going through, supporting them to strengthen, evolve and develop, and do so in their own way and manner, without neglecting our own needs?

It is a fine and complicated line we walk, but the line that gives us the individual strength and power to do what we need for ourselves, and at the same time, take care of eachother and our children.  We adjust and adapt to eachothers struggles and phases.  My depression and PTSD is a prime example.  The Husband did not enable me, but he was present, accepting, and loved me through everything.  Being with a woman who was suffering from extreme PTSD, anxiety and depression definitely required him to adjust and adapt, and being with him allowed me to process and experience the things I needed to, until I resolved my issues and became the (moreso at least) functional person I am today.  I want my husband to be happy, be the best he is, and be proud and secure in himself and his family.  But I cannot know the choices he should make in order to grow and evolve, he is the only one who can possibly know those things.

It’s a matter of not telling eachother how to live our lives, while still expressing honestly our experiences and perspectives.  With communication comes understanding (sometimes!) and with love comes acceptance.

I’ve known a lot of “dysfunctional” marriages in my life, and I’m sure from an outside perspective we’re definitely in that category.  Still, we are so happy.  With eachothers, our lives, our family and our marriage.  We do put the “fun” in dysfunctional, and we are probably the healthiest dysfunctional family I’ve ever known.

With love to my Husband, and our two wonderful children,

-DomesticAnarchist

“Off My Chest”

I am so very ready for this year to be over.  Though I myself have made tremendous progress in this past year, and I believe The Husband has as well, it has been excruciating.  The concept I developed so many years ago of “forced evolution” has proven itself far more brutal than I realized.  I am no longer trying to throw myself into the arms of the universe, unworried of scars, but they keep coming.  My heart literally hurts and the losses I’ve experienced and the people I love have experienced are overwhelming.

The Husband is out of jail.  He is a free man, who has served his time, and has no further probation or legal pressures hanging over his head.  He was released early due to a family tragedy.

The Father-In-Law passed away.  …death is something I tend to touch with kid gloves, it cuts so deep.

I hurt, and the passing of the person who I accounted to be the closest thing I have to a father has brought up some shocking things for me.  The Husband, is of course, reeling.  I know it weighs on him.  I know he relives it over and over each day.  I know because I do, and my loss isn’t even comparable to his.

The Squid, has stopped mentioning him.  Stopped asking.  In fact, now she sort of pointedly avoids it.  I’m glad I’m in tune as I am with my kids and can see the moments when they hurt, since both of them have been hurt so much that now they push it aside.  I see The Squid’s head pick up and turn to the stairs in excitement, the second she hears the squeak of the door and the sound of someone whistling.  I also see it drop the second she realizes that it will not be her Pop-Pop.  Then I see her start to destroy things and whine immediately after.  The Wizard actually makes me a bit more worried, because he’s turned so far inward.  From all the craziness he’s lived in during his short life, and the excruciation of being torn between two families, his experience of pain is so disconnected.  …we all seem so disconnected from it.

It’s strange how we all don’t know how to say how badly it hurts.  This family is so accustomed to pain that we choke on it.  …I meant to say “choke it back”, but maybe this is more accurate.  Maybe we are just choking back our tears until we cannot breathe.

…I guess this is me trying to take a breath.

 

R.I.P. Big Sid

-Domestic Anarchist

Consequences of our Behavior

The Wizards hardcore sense of fairness continues to please and impress me.

Yesterday, I got to take the kids to the jail to visit The Husband, and then immediately had to drop them off with my dear sister Brette, who The Squid has taken to calling “Auntie Butt” which gives both me and The Wizard much entertainment.  However, I ended up doing decently well @ work (especially for not being on the schedule, which provided me with the opportunity to yell “I’m not even supposed to BE here today!” in an enjoyable homage to Kevin Smith), and so after I got off, I took the kids out for a rare eating-out type experience (fast food yes, but we need to find our highlights even while balls-deep in poverty, and 5 dollars for 2 burgers, fries and an ice cream cone cannot be complained about), in order to discuss their feelings about our visit, and have a nice chillaxing time.

Beforehand, we discussed how ice cream would be an option if everyone did a good job and was well behaved in the restaurant.  For The Squid, the most I can really ask is not climbing out of the booth and running around, and this was one of those running around kind of occasions.  Poor kid.  I never was angry with her, rough with her, or raise my voice, but we did discuss the fact that she had lost her ice cream opportunity.

The Wizard, who, having six years on The Squid, of course had a much better time managing his behavior, and was well aware that he was going to receive an ice cream cone for this.  However, he asked me if he would be allowed to share some of his cone with his sister, and let me know that if this was not an option, he would pass on the ice cream, because having an ice cream while his sister couldn’t have any violated his sense of fairness.  Is it strange that I’m pleased to be the mother of an eight year old communist?

I told him that his ice cream was his own and whatever he chose to do with it was up to him.  So he did share with his sister.  This might go against the common perception of “punishment”, but while I don’t tend to have a really big reward system for good behavior (other than letting my kids know that I’m proud of them), because I want my kids to know that good behavior is what is expected from them, my “punishments” tend to run much more along the lines of consequences.  I try for those consequences to be as natural as possible, but at the same time, there’s only so often that natural consequences even apply.  The most common consequence for The Wizard is a loss of video gaming privileges, or an occasional writing assignment when I feel like he really needs to take time and think about his behavior.  The Squid’s most common consequence is a time-out.

I also try to always take into account the circumstances surrounding my children.  This will not prevent them having consequences for their behavior, but it may gentle them.  The Squid, for example, is acting up a lot since her Dad-Dad’s incarceration.  Her potty-training came screeching to a halt.  She started having tantrums, and has even taken to using a pacifier occasionally.  However, even at the ripe old age of two, she needs to know that regardless of circumstances, she is still accountable for her behavior.  I feel for her.  It’s impossible to explain to her when her Dad-Dad is getting out, or why he’s gone.  She cannot understand why she only gets to see him through a little window one hour a week.  All she knows is that Dad-Dad is “in a big time out”.  I believe she understands it better than she can communicate, but it still is a difficult situation.

I do not agree with the legal system in this country (nor any other, as far as I know), but I believe the best way to keep my children from becoming involved with it one day, and to show them how to deal with it if they ever chance to become involved, is by teaching them accountability.  No matter how much we hate the figures of authority that come down upon us, the only way to be able to exist as sane individuals within the insane system of government, is accepting accountability for our choices.  If we make the choice to protest, we are accepting the possibilities of pepperspray, police brutality, and incarceration.  Does it make it fair or okay?  Of course not.

But that’s the way it is.  This is the world we live in.  If anyone is to change it, it will not be from fear or anger at our unjust punishment.  As unjust as it is, it is a possibility every day in this world, and we must be willing to accept the consequences of our behavior with our heads held high, and with a righteous disagreement.  I don’t have to agree with the fact that when I had 5 police officers beat the shit out of me in Santa Barbara I got charged with assaulting an officer.  But I do accept that I am the one who placed myself in a situation that brought about those consequences.  I wish we lived in a world without those consequences.  I believe someday we will.  But the only way that Anarchy will EVER work is if humanity is able to start personally, one by one, to accept their own accountability for the things that happen in our lives.

I have lead a devastating life.  I have been abused by countless people in pretty much every possible way.  My mind was twisted at an early age.  I am not responsible for the things I have suffered.  …I am accountable, however, for the person I am today.  Each day, we choose our own behavior.  Regardless of our circumstances.  We choose the risk, sometimes, of very negative consequences.  If you believe the risk is worth it though, you have already accepted accountability.  If you say, “I am aware of the things that could happen due to my behavior, but this is important enough to risk it.” you have accepted accountability.  No matter what comes of your behavior, you can hold your head high.

To everyone who has children, I encourage you to raise them with a sense of consequence and accountability, but respect their right to make their own choices.  Don’t be angry at your children for choosing something against your wishes.  Do make sure that they’re aware that there will be consequences for their choices.

To everyone without children, I encourage you to greet each day with a sense of accountability.  We are not victims.  We are warriors.  We make our own choices.  Each creature on this earth makes choices each day, and our consequences can vary.  As long as we believe in our choices, we have no reason to feel shame.

This post is dedicated to everyone who is being a strong voice in the Occupy Wall Street Movement.  Keep your heads up, and continue the fight within yourselves every second of the day.

-Domestic Anarchist

Housewife, no. Anarchist, yes. Domestic…? Trying.

Since my last post, I have moved into a new apartment, briefly separated from The Husband yet again (he got to go on a bit of a soul-searching experience himself, spending a couple months training for forest fire training, and doing flood relief in North Dakota), and made some absolutely horrible life decisions.  While we were separated, there was a tragic loss of a much loved friend.  I dealt with it poorly.  I also realized the pettiness of so many of our arguments, and I urge all of my readers to try as much as they can to set aside the petty things, the beef that will inevitably arise between all of us, because without a moments notice, people whose presence we’ve taken for granted can leave us.  Arguments we assumed would be resolved can be left hanging forever, without us ever having the chance to say how we feel.

After The Husband completed his venture, he returned home to me and the children, and I am still amazed by how well we’ve done since then.  We still, of course, have our petty arguments.  But we now have the knowledge of their pettiness, and that no matter what happens, our family and our friendship, comes first.

So, now my beloved Husband finds himself incarcerated (apparently, doing public services and working on personal growth isn’t acceptable reasoning to the municipal courts to leave state while on probation, nor is honesty in court appreciated.), and I find myself struggling to balance everything.

I have left my previous bartending job, and acquired a position at The Grove Street Brewhouse, our local neighborhood brewpub.  I like it a lot.  It fits much better with my mindset, and hopefully all will continue to go well there.  I love the idea of DIY beer, and plan to start my own batch at home sometime soon, and being surrounded by this business that is truly an effort of people who deeply love  the process and culture of brewing so much that they’ve built a life around it is inspirational.

Regardless of my contentment with my employment, I’m struggling financially, and have used my poverty as a silly, silly excuse to let my domestic tendencies slide.  Of course, the concept of poverty preventing domestic tendencies completely collides with everything I’ve ever said.  I’ve just been slacking.  This is something that I desperately need to get on top of in the next couple of months, since I plan to start school in winter Quarter, attending Evergreen State College in an attempt to acquire my bachelors degree in Social Anthropology.  Hopefully I won’t butt heads with too many trustafarian hippies.  …yeah, right.  We all know I will.

It will, however, keep me busy while waiting for The Husbands release.  But my goal now is to balance it all.  I have to balance a semblance of single-motherhood along with a fairly full work schedule and education… is it possible to continue to create a creative, encouraging, thought-provoking environment for my children?

I believe so.

Am I going to undertake the challenge?

HELL YES!

Am I going to continue to log my socio-economic experiment in parenting while supporting an anarchist mindset?  …I shall at least thoroughly attempt!

Thank you for everyone who continues to read my staccato blogging.  This post is dedicated to my Husband, the love of my life, father to my children, a man who stands up honestly for what he thinks and could never be anyone other than himself.  My lover, my best friend, and the finest person I have ever known.

You are so fine to me, my love.  See you friday.

-Domestic Anarchist

Housewife No More

I know it’s been a wicked long time since updating has happened here.  So, here goes the backstory:

in September of 2010, I re-acquired some suppressed memories which required significant dealing with.  These memories at first shed a whole new light on my life and worldview, and then immediately buried me within a deep dark pit of cynicism.  They shook me to my core, and at the same time, allowed me to connect more thoroughly with myself than I ever have. My sense of myself as a survivor, as a woman of power and strength, battles frequently with the self-loathing that I know is unjustified but cannot help but rise during flashbacks.

I gutted my impressions of myself and started over from scratch, seeking to find myself as a person who was more than just a product of a corrupt and sick environment.  Every time I attempted to engage in activities I enjoyed, I found myself questioning and re-examining.

Do I still enjoy this?  Do I still agree with it?  From everything from political interests, to cooking.  From concerts, to video games.  Am I really this DIY feminist “suburban subversive” I had come to define myself as?

I find now my definitions to be less harsh, less desperate, less pleading.  My perspectives have changed in several ways, I no longer feel an imminent need to change the world, though I still have the instinct to live in it as though it will change.  I have accepted that even with my anarchism, I am very fond of technology, and have been enjoying touching back with that, roots I hadn’t really felt around with since I was probably about 13.  I still have stances about health, though my raging fear of carcinogens and all processed food has evened out a bit.

One of the most drastic changes was that in the process of gutting things and finding myself, I gutted my relationship.  The Husband was not prepared for the shocking and brutal tearing down of everything he knew about his wife, his marriage, and his home life and our marriage went on hiatus for more than six months.  This, naturally, put a rapid end to my experience of housewifery.  Which, along with the fact that The Husband took The Laptop, put my blogging also on hiatus.  I hopped around through a few different theories of employment, no longer really wanting the stress of teaching preschool, and the frustration of not being able to school crap parents on their crap parenting.  I was briefly a grill chef, and then I was a waitress at a 50’s diner and pho restraunt.

I’ve now settled quite happily into a bartending position, which, aside from the mixology, is actually not much different than teaching preschool, but a lot easier to leave behind me when I leave work.  The availability of a shift shot when I get off also eases this transition.

So, now you see my quandry.  If I’m no longer being a housewife, and this blog was formed to document the fascinating situation of  a feminist woman finding herself in the position of being a housewife, should the blogging continue?  What will I blog about?  However, I am still an anarchist, and I am still quite domestic, though my domesticity has gone through some changes.  I find myself being more feminine, though it’s still quite tongue in cheek.  I’m still opinionated, though less fanatical, and I’m less angry.

The Husband and I are still working through our issues, though our time apart let us come much closer together, a time filled with mistakes on both sides, which forced us to admit our own humanity, our need for compromise, and our love for each other, that through all the changes, failures and growth, has not dissipated, no matter how much we tried to make it.

It’ll probably be about a month before I update again, the changes in our lives have forced us to admit we are living above our means, and we’re working on moving into town, selling our car, and trying to consolidate our possessions from a 3 bedroom apartment and large storage shed into a two bedroom loft.  I am looking forward to the ease of commute, and also having a smaller area in which to be domestic, with the decreased time I have to be so.  I shall update again though, just thought I’d let my small following know that I am in fact still alive and kicking.

-Domestic Anarchist

Healthy Meals for Toddlers

The Squid enjoys her Widget French Toast

It’s too easy as parents to get in the habit of serving our toddlers quick and easy foods, which are frequently lacking in nutritional value.  The most common vegetable eaten by toddlers is potatoes, which is resultant of their high french fry intake.

Why?  The obvious answer is that feeding tiny people is wicked inconvenient.  Unless working in a daycare center, or taking care of quintuplets (in which case you’re so busy and frazzled that you probably don’t want to cook anyhow), you’re putting effort into turning out extremely small servings, which are likely going to get picked apart and abandoned.  Toddlers are also fickle.  The food they love one day, they could loathe the next.

Thusly we find ourselves picking up frozen nuggets of this and that, and serving our kids meals based on convenience, instead of nutritional value.

So, how do we make sure that our kids can get the nutrition they need?  The toddler years are debatably the most important time for good nutrition.  Our kids are expending more energy than they ever have before, their brains are developing constantly, and their emotional crises are rarely alleviated for long.  How do we tempt that toddler palate enough to get our kids to stop going long enough to get the nutrients they need?

In all honesty, extended breastfeeding is the best answer.  No matter how picky an eater you have, or how hectic your schedule, nursing your toddler lets you know that they are still getting the necessary nutrients to develop a healthy brain, body and immune system.  Allowing your child to miss out on these benefits out of fear of societal judgement blows my mind.  The Wizard nursed in the evenings until he was two, and The Squid is still nursing several times a day. 

However, I don’t think this means I can get away with loading them up on junk the rest of the time.  It is a nice safety-net though.  But as far as actual meals go, we need to prepare things that we and our other family members are going to be interested in as well.  This not only ensures that our toddlers are going to receiving complex meals, it makes it so we’re not just preparing tiny frustrating meals and dirtying endless dishes for one very small and unappreciative person.  There are many things we can vary in order to be toddler-sized or toddler-appealing.

Secondly, things that can be given in small, convenient servings and offered repeatedly through the day.  Toddlers have very small stomachs, and smaller attention spans.  Sometimes when your child stops eating it may not be that they don’t like the food, it may be that they’re full or bored.  Let them get down and play for a couple hours, and then re-offer the foods as a snack.

Thirdly, they need to be easy to eat.  Another reason toddlers may not finish a meal is not because of frustration.  Foods that are too large, too tough, or difficult to handle, are in a toddler mind, which doesn’t understand the importance of a balanced diet, not worth the effort.

Foods that are convenient to make, easy to eat, and enjoyable for the rest of the family?  Sound like a tall order?  Not so much.  They might need to be somewhat different than the food the rest of the family eats, but easy to prepare at the same time, with similar tastes.

The best way to explain is to demonstrate, so here are some of my (and The Squids) favorite recipes.

Bitty Bruschetta

I thought of these when I encountered at the grocery store a bag of marked-down whole grain “party bread”.  Bruschetta is one of my favorites anyway, and these soft little slices of bread were perfect for making The Squid her own option.  They bake along with the rest of ours, and sometimes I just make a bunch of the small ones and join her in a snack.  They can refrigerate during the day, but don’t hold up as well overnight.  The bread gets mushy.

6 party bread slices

pesto, marinara or garlic sauce to taste  (you can be sneaky with your pesto and work in zucchini, spinach, or whatever nutritious vegetable your widget is not inclined to ingest).

desired toppings (olives, tomatoes, etc.  if any meat is used, make sure it’s pre-cooked.)

about 1/4 of a cup of medium-soft cheese (mozzarella works best, but I’ve also had success with colby jack.)

1. Place party breads on a baking sheet, or a plate if you’re going to be microwaving (not recommended).  2.  Spread pesto, or desired sauce on top, and then sprinkle with your toppings.  3.  Put a pinch of cheese on top, or to make it a little more fun, you can slice the cheese and use cookie-cutters to cut out shapes to decorate the brushetta with.  They hold up surprisingly well.  4.  Pop in the broiler on “low” until cheese is melted.

Macaroni and Cheese Bites

2 cups pre-prepared macaroni and cheese (from scratch or box both work fine, but if you do them from scratch Bertolli has come out with a new line of mini-pastas called piccolini.  They’re adorable.  For very, very small children, you can even use pasta stars.)

1/4 cup cooked veggies (broccoli, peas, carrots, etc.)

1/2 cup medium hard to medium soft cheese  (mozzarella is again, my winner here, but if your kid is a cheddar fan, that works fine too.)

1/2 cup bread crumbs

1/4 cup butter

1. Pre-heat your oven to 350 and butter a muffin or mini-muffin pan.  2.  Mix the vegetables into your macaroni and spoon into muffin pan.  3.  Top with cheese.  4.  Melt the remaining butter, and add to your bread crumbs.  5. Top your macaroni and cheese with bread crumbs and pop in the oven til it’s looking golden brown and bubbly, about 15 minutes.  These hold up alright in the fridge AND freezer, so after you put ALL the effort (ha) into making a batch, you’ll have several easy meals prepped and ready to go.

Widget French Toast

Just came up with this the other day, already a favorite.  Obviously, when I’m feeding the whole family, I just add in a couple of the party breads in with the regular bread, but when it’s just me and The Squid, I munch the widget bread too.  It’s an eye-baller, the measurments are slightly different every time, and I tend to add varying spices depending on the day.

10 party bread slices

1 egg

1/2 cup milk

natural sweetener (agave, honey, stevia or the like) to taste

teaspoon vanilla

cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg to taste

1.  pre-heat griddle or frying pan to about 325, or medium heat, lightly grease. 2.  mix egg, milk, sweetener, vanilla and spices in a small bowl.  3.  add party bread, about 4 at a time or so, make sure egg mixure coats both sides.  4.  fry for a couple minutes on either side until golden brown.

Vegetable Curry

Cooking a bit of apple in with the vegetables adds a slight sweetness and some extra vitamins.  Use a nice firm apple that won’t break down.

1/4 cup each of peeled and chopped potatoes, carrots, apple and zucchini

1 cup of vegetable or chicken stock

2 tablespoons mild curry power or garam masala

1. Bring the stock to a boil in a small saucepan.  2.  Add potatoes and carrots.  3.  Reduce heat and simmer for about 5 minutes.  4.  Add apples and continue simmer for about 5 more minutes.  5.  Add zucchini and simmer until all vegetables are tender, this will vary depending on how finely your vegetables are chopped, which should depend on how big of pieces your child can handle.  6.  You can either drain the remaining stock, or keep it and use it to make a light sauce.  …obviously, the sauce is messy, and you may want to serve it with bread or a sandwich to sop it up.  7.  Add curry powder and stir til everything is coated and mixed together well.  Cool, and serve!

Some of you may be thinking “I thought these were supposed to be healthy meals!  Look at all these fats and carbs!”

Well, yes.  An “Atkins” type diet would be very unhealthy for a child.  We ALL need fats and carbs, but especially children.  Carbohydrates are where we get our energy from and there are good and bad carbohydrates.  Carbs that take a while to break down can give us lasting energy and keep our blood sugar balanced, which is very important for a child.  Fat is necessary for both muscle and (!) brain development.  Again, it’s the kind of fat.  It’s not something to be gratuitous with, but olive oil and butter are both very positive sources of fats, and there’s many more, though it might require some more research on your part.

Alright, that was my first soap box.  Here’s my second one.

If you’re going to feed your children meat or animal biproducts (milk, eggs, cheese and butter having all been included in this post), you should know where they’re coming from.  The fact that animals are tortured for human convenience is disgusting, but even if you don’t care about that, the hormones that are pumped into these animals are ingested by your children.  This causes an early onset of puberty, as well as aggressive behavior and obesity.

Think about it.  The hormones that are given these animals to keep them producing eggs and milk at an unnatual rate, are obviously going to attempt to do the same to your children.  The hormones that are given to them to get them to grow and pack on weight (to make them more profitable to an industry powered by greed) are going to do the same thing to your children.

Also, it’s known that emotions that we experience are literally chemical interactions in the brain and body.  So, when animals live miserable, torturous lives, and then die in terror and suffering, these chemicals are FROZEN in their bodies.  And then, yes, ingested by our children.  There is enough stress in our kids lives without passing on the tension of a deceased bovine.  Seriously.

I’m aware that free-range and organic milk, meat and eggs are very expensive.  But the grocery store is not the only place to get food, and is really the last place we should be purchasing it.  Farmers Markets and www.craigslist.com are both resources to try and find farmers and a trip to the farm or Farmers Market to acquire these biproducts is an experience that your children should have.  Many kids don’t understand that their hamburger used to be alive, or that their grilled cheese or scrambled eggs came from an animal.  How are we supposed to teach our children to think freely and make their own life choices without informing them of the basic backstory required for moral thinking?

If there is no available farms or farmers markets, and you can’t afford to buy the free-range meat in stores, maybe it’s time to start seriously considering a vegan lifestyle, or at least cutting way back in your intake of hormonally and chemically polluted food.

Okay.  So, some recipes and a rant.  I’ll get back off my soapbox now.

-Domestic Anarchist

Discipline?

As an anarchist parent, and someone who affirms independent thinking in my children, people frequently think that I do not believe in or approve of discipline.  This isn’t true.  Discipline is necessary.  A home, even when run as an autonomous collective, must have rules, so that all living within it can be happy.  It needs boundaries, respect and contribution from all members.

Children, while completely valid human beings, do not have the maturity or life experience to know how to set or respect boundaries, and they’re instinctively selfish which means they do not have the instinct for contribution.

There is nothing wrong with this.  The selfishness which is inherent in all children results from the fact that when starting out, they have had to do nothing.  A baby’s responsibility is to grow.  Their selfishness IS their contribution, because they have to develop before they can contribute.  A toddler’s responsibility is to explore and become independent, but this is soon joined but necessary discipline.  They need to very young start learning that other people have rights, and that violating these rights is not okay, or else they will not be able to be respectful, contributing members of their collective.

As children become older their responsibilities increase.  Cleaning up after themselves, and helping take care of the home, as well as younger children and pets, become daily responsibilities.  When they try to balk at these added responsibilities, there must be disciplinary action.

What kind of disciplinary action?

Much of it is just logical consequences.  If you make a mess, you clean it up.  If there is refusal, then there is a removal of privileges until the necessary action has taken place.  If The Wizard refuses to fulfill his responsibilities, he goes to his room until he is ready or willing to do so.

Today, he did not want to respect others, listen, or contribute to cleaning the house, and was sent to his room.  However, we didn’t want to just put cleaning the house on hold and wait for him, nor did we want to just let him “get out” of his responsibilities.  The Husband, in a burst of ingenuity, told him to write a letter, explaining why he should listen and contribute.

Now, The Wizard is seven years old, and in the second grade.  This obviously would not work for younger children, but they could be asked to write a short apology, or even younger children could draw a picture of how they feel, or showing the negative result of their negative behavior.  These alternatives could also be implemented when there is learning or behavioral disorders, or if it’s a very difficult assignment to start.

With The Wizard, as this was a disciplinary action that had never happened before, there was of course, revolt.  Screaming, yelling, statements of the injustice of it and of the world, kicking the wall.  Which resulted, in tired, frustrated parents, yelling in return.  A “time-out” and assignment that should have taken no more than a half an hour, took instead, an hour and a half.  However, we told him repeatedly to write what he was screaming about instead, and once he ACTUALLY started doing so, it was a big relief for him.  It allowed him to express himself, and at the same time think about how his contributions are necessary.  It allowed him to say why he was upset, and slowed and calmed him.  At the end, even he declared it a success.  Which is a good way to measure these things.

Kids are not going to like disciplinary actions.  But the disciplinary action will demonstrate itself to either be a success or not.  Sometimes it might take a battle in order to get our kids to follow through, sometimes we need to use alternate methods to find what works for our kids particularly.

Positive disciple ends with discussion, with our children understanding the reasoning behind the action, and it is adapted for the children and the situation.  It results in everyone being able to express themselves, and resolving the original problem.

Positive disciplinary methods are respectful, and when in our frustration, we treat our children with a lack of respect, we owe them an apology.  Everyone makes mistakes, and showing our children that they’re not the only ones who need to apologize, and they’re not the only ones who need breaks and time outs and “cool downs”, makes them feel equal and understood.  If we treat our children with respect, and ask for it in return EVENTUALLY (when they have the emotional and mental maturity) they will return the favor.

In other news, The Wizard lost his first tooth today!

-Domestic Anarchist

Sugar, sugar, sugar!

 

Browsing parenting magazines is a favorite hobby of mine.  Theres not many that I consistently agree with, but nor are there many parents I consistently agree with.  Some articles annoy me and occasionally some thoroughly piss me off.  But most of these are simply differences of opinion, and societal programming.   You know, stuff like “Americans let their kids cry it out and stop breastfeeding at 6 months because Americans value independence!”

…right.  I’m sure all the co-sleeping tribal kids that breastfeed til the age of four end up very insecure and irresponsible. 

However, this is the first time I’ve been driven to rebut something I read in a parenting magazine.  In the July Issue of Parents, they stated “Some studies have found that small amounts of sugar can increase a child’s focus and calmness (but it’s still smart to limit sweets since they’re typically low on nutrients).”  This is in a health Q & A with the question “Does sugar cause hyperactivity?”  Their answer is simply “No.”, stated as if there is no other possibilities, no matter what.

Okay, for a start.  It’s a known fact that people with autism and autism spectrum disorders (which includes such common disorders as ADHD), are sensitive to sugar, especially as children.  In these children sugar certainly does cause hyperactivity, as well as poor processing and even more limited self-control than usual.  They’re also frequently sensitive to artificial coloring and preservatives, substances that are often found in high-sugar foods and beverages.

foodforthebrain.com has a full list of disorders and the food sensitivities that accompany them, with lots of references to many, many different studies.  Many of the disorders, including autism, ADHD, bipolar, depression and schizophrenia are all listed as sensitive to sugar.

I’m aware schizophrenia is fairly rare in children (it normally manifests in the teen years), but the diagnoses of autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder and depression for young kids are steadily on the rise.  I’m not necessarily saying all these diagnoses are accurate.  I’m of the opinion that the pharmaceutical companies have a huge impact on diagnoses, and schools do receive money for each high-needs child they have enrolled, which might make things get rounded up here and there.

However, we must consider how many of these kids just had sugar sensitivities to start with, which resulted in behavioral issues and thusly, diagnoses of ADHD?  There is very few foods you can say across the line “These cause no behavioral problems at all!”  if someone wrote in asking about bread, I would expect any decent parenting magazine to put in a disclaimer saying that while many kids are not impacted by bread, there are also kids with wheat allergies who will exhibit behavioral problems if exposed to wheat.

In the magazine they say that the study saying sugar causes hyperactivity  was published more than 30 years ago.  What about the study published in October, 2009 saying children who eat candy on a daily basis were more likely to be convicted of a violent crime by the time they’re 34?  (you can read about that one here)

Yes, sugar is empty calories, but don’t try to say that’s the only reason to avoid it.  That just glosses (or should I say glazes?) over the problem.  The problem is that sugar and candy and soda are treated like such normal, natural parts of children’s lives.  They make candy EVERYTHING.  Candy bugs!  Candy jewelry!  Candy cigarettes.  Even (how cute) candy binkies.  Candy baby bottles.

Hypoglycemia (a disorder they now frequently call “pre-diabetes” because it’s very rare that someone with hypoglycemia doesn’t end up diabetic) is on the rise, especially among children.   It’s when your body cannot handle sugar properly.  So when you eat sugar, your blood sugar levels spike, causing hyperactivity, jitteriness and poor self-control.  Then your pancreas sends out a large amount of insulin, larger than needed, which makes your blood sugar plummet.  This results in lethargy, depression and disorientation.

Sound like your kid after a big sugar binge?  Every parent knows about “the crash”.  What they might not know is that this is a result of low blood sugar, which means your child’s body is releasing excesses of insulin, and after too many of these “crashes” that poor little pancreas is going to get burned out, and your kid is going to end up having to shoot up their insulin.

Now, I’m not doctor.  I’m not a scientist.  I’m a mother, and someone who developed hypoglycemia as a child.  (If you think you or your kids might be hypoglycemic, or want to know more about it, check out What Is Hypoglycemia which has good info, and a test.)  This is my blog where I use my right to free speech to put my opinions, life-experience and research out there.  Don’t base your opinions on what I say, look into it yourself.

I’m not going to say that my kids never have sugar.  I use sugar occasionally when baking, I just usually cut in half from what the recipe says.  if someone else makes a sugary treat, or offers The Wizard a piece of candy, he always asks me if it’s okay, and 90% of the time I say yes.  But those times don’t happen all that frequently, and he doesn’t have any disorders or issues that seem to be triggered by sugar.  So why do I limit him?

Much like peanuts or eggs, sugar is something your body can develop a reaction to.  With peanuts or eggs, it’s exposure in early childhood that can cause an allergy to develop, because your immune system reacts to them, and after early exposure, sometimes a childs immune system can see them as a serious threat, and over-react as an allergy.  After your child is a certain age, the immune system is mature enough, and allergies don’t usually develop.

However, with sugar, it’s not the immune system reacting, it’s the pancreas.  So there’s not a time when the risk ceases to exist.  It really depends on the individual person, the individual pancreas and liver, as well as the frequency and level of exposure.  As with most things though, the highest risk is in infancy.  Also, a “sweet tooth” is something that’s developed.  If you don’t give your baby sweet foods, they won’t have the same taste for them as a child who was raised on sweets, and you’ll have a much easier time keeping sugar out of them later on.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty.  Like I said, my home is not a sugar-free zone.  I try to limit it though, and I think saying that sugar cannot cause hyperactivity in children is very closed-minded and irresponsible.  It might take a little extra work to cut back the sugar in our children’s diets, but there are lots of alternative sweeteners.  (And no, I’m not talking about Splenda.  It’s made from sugar, and the only real difference is a cut in calories.)

Personally, I like agave.  There’s also stevia, or fructose.  Many, many options.  Search it online.

And congratulations to Parents magazine for an awesomely irresponsible FAIL on giving out researched, thorough and concise information to their subscribers, some of whom are likely parents of kids with sugar-sensitive disorders.  Way to suck at life.  Feel free to criticize them at Parents.com!

-Domestic Anarchist